Maybe

I take a long deep breath 

and sigh incidentally 

I'm not empty, mind you

just... aimless maybe

There is so much to me

Songs n life n poetry

All of it n still nothing

its just..  scattered maybe

I use words like fernweh and passion

and stare at the clouds endlessly

I write sometimes 

but its... soulless maybe

I see life

witness moments

I just don't live at all

I'm just... helpless maybe

Sometimes I scream inside

sometimes I jump with joy

music exhilarates and literature calms me

I'm just.. intricate maybe

An ode to the exemplary teacher

A day after the birthday of someone, who's made every single one of mine a lot happier without even knowing, I'm writing this tribute piece not to express how grateful I am but for her to know what she has accomplished, for I know what she cherishes the most. 

My schooling was done in a school where openness and novelty weren't treated as virtues. Where it was appreciated to be conventional and grab success like they've been doing for ages. It does work out for the most honestly, considering that my school has created so many successful people and their lives. But for people like me, whom my friends describe as 'Anti', the norm wasn't the way. I wasn't a nerd but I scored more than most of them. I wasn't a backbencher but I got more punished than most of them. I wasn't a sports person but I earned more laurels than most of them. One would think this was a good thing. But mind you, I belonged nowhere and as a result I wasn't really liked very much.
In this chaos of schooling that I remember with a hint of nostalgia and bittersweet affection, was the person I have celebrated the most- A teacher without an inhibition of learning, a stranger in the midst of a well defined system. 

She taught me chemistry and made the art lover in me love science just as much. She taught me principles and rewarded the timid soul in me with a reason to carry pride like she always did. She cared about my sports and my English just as much as she cared about what I learnt in her class and when no one could come defend me, she believed in me beyond the lines of a student-teacher dynamic. She understood my emotions just as much as my intellect and believe me when I say, she punished me in ways that wouldn't count as punishments but loaded me with guilt. And if you think I was her favourite, I doubt it honestly! Because her interactions with every single one of her students were as brilliant as they were with me.

I took her every lesson by heart. I still know the molar concept because she was such a brilliant teacher. Those who know me, know that I have a little bit of a problem with authority but I never had any such problem with her because she never forced any authority ever. She was what she was to me, a teacher, a mentor and a guide. Just that simply.

Why am I writing this piece? Because I love her dearly and she is as important in my life as one can assume. But more importantly because she needs to know how she has touched my life so profoundly. If I have managed to establish myself as a writer already, it is because she told me that I was better than my worries and problems at my lowest. If I pulled off an entire college fest without a dime of the finances being questioned, it is because she strengthened my morals back in the day. If I can fearlessly follow what I love today, it is because she told me it is better to do what you like n fail than do what you hate and succeed. So whatever I do here on well, good and amazing, she will have a part in laying down the foundation for me and I am forever entitled to her for that. 
I am looking forward to a bright future but before that, I am looking forward to a nice baking class with her this summer. I hope she'll have me again as her student, I hope I can forever be her student! 

So much for India's daughter

The original piece-

It's been around two weeks since Leslee Udwin's documentary 'India's daughter' has been in the middle of controversial grounds (read: limelight). And ever since I've watched the documentary, I've harboured doubts in my mind about the sanctity of information in the video. There are already various allegations being made calling the documentary staged and accusing Jyoti's tutor to be fake. Honestly, he did seem a little off. Now of course you can't make a crude documentary on an International level and which is why you can't present the truth in its raw form, but references like "she wanted to watch Life of Pie instead of an action movie", really? I can't even begin over the ban on the documentary, so much for India's daughter!

No I didn't plan on ranting about what I didn't like in the documentary, I would rather express my distress over the picture it paints about Indian men and the way we think generally. Are we really those people who Leslee has very convincingly portrayed in the video? Lawyers from the capital of the country saying things like woman is a flower and man is a thorn? Indians are anyway portrayed in international media as backward, orthodox and well plain dumb. Now we have the rapist tag on our heads too. Splendid.

I am,admittedly, a first world feminist who gets to voice my opinions and concerns along with my grievances as opposed to those who face loads of problems in absence of the same luxury, I hope that doesn't make my concerns any less deserving of attention. No my concerns are not regarding the way men behave or society reacts, I worry about my sisters more than that. They are yet to understand their own worth. They are yet to realise that they may be damsels in distress but they do not need a knight in the shining armor, not anymore! No it's not blaming that I'm doing, just a little heartfelt advising. Let us keep company of people who deserve us and respect us for what we are. Let us be the wonderful person we have the potential to be irrespective of the men in our lives. Let us stop expecting prince charming to come fight the beast for us, let us be our own warriors. Our men have stood up for us, its our turn now. Let us not be resilient for the heck of it. Let us not be the 'perfect woman' we are expected to be, let us rather be the flawed wonderful ourselves.Let us do that much, that much for India's daughter! 

The lost struggle

In the whys and hows of everyday celebration

Is a lost struggle of a raw soul

To keep up with the lies and deceit

Aware of the consequences of a forfeit

The lost struggle continues, of the unembellished soul.

So much to grasp and react

So much to understand and defend

The distant soothing lullaby nearly brings him back home

But when the whys and hows are hounding

Where is the peace for the bewildered soul

His true nature remains unknown

Constant dilemma of deception and integrity is grown.

His longing only left to the self imposed bindings

Such is the state of the perplexed soul.

The cogent nature of the discomfort

Leaves him utterly nonplussed

Only maybe a little empathy, a generous smile, a gracious acceptance

is what is solicited by the affable soul.

Who knows, who understands

But so is the case

That in the whys and hows of everyday celebration

Is the lost struggle of a raw soul. 

what is love....if not enough?

He saw her like light

Illuminating his world

and pushing away the dark

bouncy and reflecting

fast and ominous

She saw him like wind

soothing her senses

blowing away her worries

wild and reckless

fast and ominous

She was not his

He couldn't be hers 

for light and wind

were never meant to be

But what is love..

..if rational!

He chased her through the day

and travelled wild 

looking for her till dawn

she appeared playfully

and the sky rejoiced for the while

Soon her father,

as scorching as the sun

threatened the two to be clear!

The blaze had to shine

and the tempest had to blow

But what is love..

..if surrendering!

Their union always pleasant

was now met with chaos

The world asked for mercy

and begged to restore the intricate balance

Their love still longed

But what is love..

..if not accommodating?

No, do not brush it off yet

not yet another sob story

love is all those things 

but never really ending

Their union wasn't forever

But neither did they stay apart

Their gentle affection proclaimed all day

and their fierce passion performed at the dawn

Because what is love..

...if not ubiquitous!

The me in you

I ache for the fire in you 

the kind that destroys me

the kind that makes me count my breaths

I ache for the desire in you

the kind that awakens me

the kind that slaps me into insanity

I ache for the wonder in you

the kind that accelerates my heartbeat

the kind that keeps me spellbound

I ache to surrender to you 

all my dirt and filth

all my passions and possessions

I ache to find you

Beneath the façade you hide under

to tear apart the fantasy you adorn

I ache for the beast in you

the kind that makes me resign

the kind that contains my stubbornness

I ache for you

the intensity in you

the thrill in you

the me in you...

All that I want..

When my mind is utter chaos

and simplicity is all I crave

A kind smile, a warm hug,

A hot cup of tea maybe

to bring out the emotions I cave

To them I'm strong

Still, I stand along

But a hearty laugh, an intense gaze,

a content meal

Is all that I've wanted for so long

Wanderlust is waiting

and yes, I'll follow the way

until then a star studded night,

a hand to hold, a soothing melody

I need before I get away

So much more I hope and wish for

Good and bad, nasty and nice

But until I get away, this will suffice.